Would you like this job?

General requirements: Requires no intelligence, just a really, really weird idea of what it titillating. Would help, actually, to be mindless. Otherwise a highly developed sense of humour is advised.
Not suitable for: anyone subject to repetitive wrist injury. Might help to be ambidextrous.
Recommendation: Suggested that applicants have a highly developed sense of secrecy. (After all you wouldn’t want anyone to know you do this for a living, would you?)
Location: Malaysia. (Specifically: the offices of the Malaysian Censorship Board).
Pay and perks: unknown, but probably includes a pension and medical benefits.
Job Description:
The ability to wield a mean black marker pen so that it totally eradicates all suggestion of what it covers.
Example of the work required: for the month of May 2009: Go through all copies of the National Geographic entering Malaysia and cover all suggestions of erotica from this offensive and pornographic monthly magazine.

p.s. possibly such as this disgusting photo here, (look at the third one on the page), obviously unsuitable for the sensitivities of Malaysian viewing.

(Information about this job taken from letters to the editor p56 The Star newspaper)
Pix from Harry Clarke’s Faust see here.

“I’m trying to write my first fantasy novel, but…”


PART ONE

I had an email from someone some time ago, which I didn’t reply because I was so busy, but it deserves an answer. In fact, the problem is so universal for first time novelists that I decided to put the answer up here, and I shall break it into parts.

Briefly, the writer had done some important things to get herself started:
– enrolled into a writing course for practical nuts and bolts help
– got ideas for a story
– decided what she wants to accomplish by the end of the book

But, when she started to write her first novel other practical problems emerged and she felt she was foundering.

She identified two main problems:

1. Am I just waffling or is this good?
2. How do I write the not so exciting bits in between?

And I don’t think there’s a writer out there worth their salt who hasn’t at times asked just those 2 questions.

Today I’m going to look a the first point.
How do you know you aren’t waffling? Writing boring rubbish? Wasting your time on writing something you will just have to throw out later? How do you identify what’s boring and what’s not?

The easy answer is that you don’t know. Which is not much help, so let’s look at it from another angle.

  • Everything you write is useful because it helps your “learning to write” process.

Yes, it may be awful. But when you start your first novel, you can’t know that and you shouldn’t let it bother you. Just write now and judge it later.
Lots of writers put it this way: give yourself permission to write crap in the first draft. And believe me, ten books accepted for publication and I still write crap in the first draft. I also write brilliant stuff, too, and so probably will you.

  • Your main aim at the beginning should be to get the book finished

DON’T go back and re-read and re-read and alter and change and throw out and start again. You will never get the book finished if you do that.

Get your story down on paper – or on your computer. **

One of the best ways to finish a book is like this: start your writing period for the day by rereading what you wrote the day before, then write until you are finished for the day – without going back to re-read again.

During that re-read at the beginning of each writing day period, don’t do too much alteration. Correct only the most egregious mistakes and move on. Your aim is just to put yourself in the flow of writing. You are preparing for your writing period ahead, not worrying about yesterday’s.

I actually re-read from the beginning after about every 50,000 words, just to make sure I am on track. I find that helpful – once again I don’t spend too much time on corrections. I just want to refresh my memory and enthuse myself for what’s ahead. But do what works for you, always remembering you want to finish it, not get it perfect. Perfection is for later.

Ok, so now you’ve finished. Take a look at the word length. An adult fantasy novel? Probably 90,000 words upwards. For a first time novelist, you might find it easier to sell something at around 120,000 – 140,000 words. You’ll have a heck of a job selling anything more than 180,000. If it is over 180,000 words you had better decide what needs turfing out! Mostly I would suggest that a first time novelist aim no higher than 160,000. (And no, there’s no need to start telling me about the bestselling debut novel of 200,000 words…I know some people can. They are the exceptions.)

Now you are starting your rewrites. How many rewrites? Five? Thirty-five? Answer: could be either. I think nothing of working through a 180,000 word book thoroughly five times, and redoing parts of it fifteen times and then throwing bits out anyway. In other words, there is no magic number. You just do it until you get it right. And as a first book, you have that luxury. No deadlines. So take your time, and don’t submit until you have got it right.

  • So now to the really difficult bit: how do you know what is good and what is crap?

Here’s a few ways:

Ask someone else. In fact lots of others. The beta readers. Make sure they are people who read and understand the genre. Ask them which bits they thought were boring.

anything that makes you frown needs looking at again. Why are you frowning, hmm? What is giving you that slight feeling that something is “off”?

ask yourself what bits don’t push the story forward. Ask yourself what a sentence/prargraph/chapter achieves, why it is there. Does it tell you more about the character? If you can’t answer those questions, they maybe it is for the scrap heap.

Look at the tension and atmosphere. If two people are chatting about the weather and there’s no tension, why is the conversation there? If they are arguing about the weather because one wants to cross the river now and the other thinks the rain makes it too dangerous, then that’s good. If the description gives the reader a feel for where they are, an atmosphere, then it is not crappy writing.

so, to sum up, crappy bits tell the reader nothing they need to know about the story, don’t add to the tension, don’t contribute to atmosphere and don’t reveal character. Throw them out.

didactic or pedagogy or preaching tend to be boring and irritating unless they are cleverly integrated into and/or integral to the story.

repetition tends to be a bad idea. And telling something again in a different way tends to be poor writing too. One of the common forms a beginning writer employs is this: have a character say something in a speech, and then explain it again afterwards.

“Petric, I think the horse is going lame. We need to rest the poor beast.”
“Rubbish, Hobbs, we can make the inn before nightfall.”
As they drove the cart on, Hobbs worried. They’d never make it to the inn. They should rest the animal or the horse would not be able to pull the cart. It wasn’t right to torture it like this.

generally speaking, the shortest way of saying something is the best.
Here’s a common mistake of mine that I still have to correct in the final re-writes – using too many prepositions: e.g. He looked back over his shoulder. (Cut the “back”).
If your sentences ramble on and on, how can you make them snappier?

and here is the best way of all to distinguish between the brilliance and the crap. It is both the easiest and the most difficult of hints to adhere to: Put your manuscript away.

Don’t look at it for a minimum of 3 months. Better still, don’t look at it for 6 months. Don’t talk about it, don’t think about it. Start your next novel, preferably something unrelated.
At the end of 6 months, go back and re-read. Believe me, the crap will leap up off the page at you. That’s when you do your final re-write. Or decide to forget it and try another story.

Hope this helps. Part 2 in a day or two.

**(I am assuming here that you already have the main ideas, characters and end in mind, so you know where you are going. Some writers will have that story mapped out in detail, others are more inclined to wing it. How you do it doesn’t matter, as long as you have the idea(s) in your head and the destination in mind. I personally would suggest that you have two other things reasonably clear before you start: the world and the “magic”. Or, to put it another way, how do people earn a living, what do they see when they look around them, and what makes your world different to our world.)

pix by anne anderson taken from here.

Another one of those days…

Ok, so book gone to another stage, and unlike my dear and quite crazy friend Karen, I don’t plunge straight into writing another half-dozen books the next day. For a start my brain won’t stand for it. And second, neither will all the other things I have to catch up on. They are positively shouting at me that I have to attend to them. So I tried to get a start on some of those things today. And here’s what went wrong.

1. I tore a nail off. Y’know, till it bled.

2. I put my telescope in for cleaning (it has to go to Austria!) and bought a replacement for the missing rubber eyepiece that fell off my binoculars. Found I had to buy two pieces, even though only one was missing, and those tiny pieces of rubber cost a whopping 75RM (over 20USD or 27AUD). (All this preparatory for returning to my environmental work.)

3. I went to check up on the environmental job, to see when I could get started, only to find that it has been a probable victim of the recession. Looks as though we are all out of work. Damn. It was Phase Two of the project, too, which means that I feel all the work we did in Phase One is not going on to a useful conclusion. What a waste of money on the part of the people who paid us. There’s still a faint hope it will be revived, but we suspect someone has earmarked the money for something else, (aided by the fact that the old boss was transferred). Sigh. That’s a personal financial blow.

4. I went to the Australian High Commission (that means Embassy to you non Commonwealth types out there) to get the forms for a new passport. Last time I got one – 9 years ago – I had to have the forms signed by a guarantor, so I didn’t expect to be able to submit the forms today.

Things, I discovered, have changed. First you have to go through an outer door, hand in photo ID, go through metal detectors, have your bag xrayed, past another guard, through another 2 doors, past another guard, upstairs, to be buzzed through another door…you get the picture.

5. Found I don’t need a guarantor, yay, I can put in application today. But, alas, I have the wrong sized photos (although photo shop was told it was for Oz passport and said they knew what was required). So I left the Hi Com to get new photos. Went out through all that security, handed in my pass as I left, etc etc.

6. Got new photos. Came back through all the security, got new pass, past metal detectors, xrayed handbag, etc etc.

7. Was asked for money. Gave them credit card. Sorry, don’t take Amex. Looked in purse. Didn’t have enough cash.

8. Went out through all the security to bank. Came back through all the security (for the third time). Xrayed handbag etc etc.

9. Filled in form etc etc. Left through all the security, handed in pass etc etc.

10. Was out in street again, when phone rang (its the Hi Com) and a security guard comes rushing after me. I had walked off with my old passport which they needed. Ok. Back inside, fourth time. Show photo ID. Get handbag xrayed, go through metal detector, numerous guards, doors….

So how was your day?

Pix from Harry Clarke’s Faust (Goethe) via here.

Titles, and apologies all around…

I have delivered my MS for Stormlord Rising, which is book two of The Watergiver trilogy (at least, that is what it is being called in Australia. In UK and US, I think they are avoiding giving the trilogy as a whole a name. It is to be referred to as the Stormlord trilogy.)

What a epic the title has been. Droughtmaster, Rainlord, Rainlords of the Scarpen, Drouthlord, Rogue Rainlord, Random Rain, Time of Random Rain, Stormquest, Stormseeker, The Watergivers, Stormshifter, Burning Sky have all been associated with this series at some time or another, and probably a few more I can’t think of off-hand.

(And, dammit, I still have a title to think up for Book 3)

Anyway, it has been submitted, and now I have to see if my editor ages ten years and mutters under her breath, ‘Bloody hell, what was she thinking?’

And so now the time has come to:

A. Give an abject apology to all those people whose emails have been sitting in my inbox unanswered for months and to tell you I am now beginning to answer them,
and
B. Start on the housework which has not been done for several months either. Yuk, yuk, yuk.

Deep philosphical questions of the day

………

1. Why do manufacturers of computer keyboards go to all the bother of painting the letters on the keys, yet haven’t bothered to find a way of doing it that doesn’t wear off in three months of usage by a fantasy writer?

2. How can my washing machine do a better job of finding stray Kleenex tissues than I can?

………

The Saga Continues

From Reuters: see here for full article. (Sylvia Westall, May 13).


Race to Lead IAEA Has No Clear Front-Runner, Diplomats Say
Thursday, May 14, 2009

“As of now, on their own, if you put any one name of these five on the ballot, I don’t think any could get 24 votes. I don’t see any personality among these five now who exerts an appeal across the political divide in the board,” said one high-level diplomat from a developing nation, likely referring to a split between Western nations and developing countries that emerged in the first effort to select a replacement for three-term IAEA Director General Mohamed ElBaradei…

“I don’t see any of the five bridging the North-South divide. … The winner must show he can count on some support outside his natural grouping,” according to a European Union diplomat. “A moderate G-77 (group of developing nations) candidate might be best placed, but the most propitious ones were not nominated.”

(My bold italics)

Yeah, well I could have told ’em that. Sigh.

Why aren’t Malaysians proud of their wildlife?

Imagine this. You are enjoying the cool beauty of the tropical highlands in the Awana Golf Resort, just over an hour’s journey from Kuala Lumpur. You are surrounded by the wonders and abundance of tropical rainforest diversity.

So what does the hotel advise you to do?
“Look out your window and enjoy the sight of…
the wild African giraffes that are native to the area.”

Ok, they didn’t quite say that. They said enjoy the sight of the Blue-breasted Kingfisher. Terrific, except that the species is only found in West Africa.

WHY???????
What is WRONG with talking about any one of the glorious
745 + bird species
we have in Malaysia?
I come across this kind of thing all the time here. Do Malaysians despise their own so much that we have to advertise the assets of other countries and pretend they are ours?
There is no excuse – not one – that Awana can give to explain this. They hosted the world BirdLife International Conference a few years back. They have made much of their nature programmes. All they had to do was google the name. Or pick up the phone and ring the Malaysian Nature Society. Or ask any of the birdwatchers who bird around the area.

Click on this to enlarge: it is the blurb on the cover of the folder that has info about the hotel found in the hotel room. Shame on everyone who allowed this travesty to occur.


So here is what you prefer in your trilogy…

…in order to remind you what happened in the previous book(s).

45% Cleverly inserted reminders
41% Synopsis at the beginning
29% Glossary at the back
22% Don’t need reminders – I reread the previous books
3% Don’t need reminders – I remember everything

It doesn’t add up to 100% because I allowed people to vote more than once.

I didn’t expect so many to prefer a synopsis. (Hate them myself. Hate reading them, hate writing them.)

I suspect the operative word with the winner is “cleverly”. There is nothing worse than unsubtle info dumps in the first chapter or two.

And oh, wouldn’t I love to be one of those folk who remember everything? I don’t even remember what I wrote in the previous book!

Thanks for entering the poll!!

Just cos I thought you might not be envious enough…

In lieu of a proper post while I finish up this book. So I can’t work ALL the time, can I? These are photos taken on the cable car near where we stayed in the Genting Highlands. The astonishing thing is that all that forest you can see – plus lots you don’t see – was sold by the powers that be to one man. Many years ago, in the 1960s to be more precise, for a song.



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