Some of this is so true, it hurts!
AUTHOR: A large class of individuals (approximately three times as numerous as readers) serving a promotional function in book marketing or providing make-work for editorial interns.
BEST SELLER: A book purchased for display.
BLURB*: A brief noise that embarrasses everyone.
BOOK DISTRIBUTION: An elaborate system testing the commitment of readers by making sure they cannot obtain specific books too easily.
DEADLINE: An item that exists to be renegotiated and revised. In his famous paradox, the Greek philosopher Zeno proved that deadlines can never be met.
DISTRIBUTOR: An annoying apparatus that is always out of tune, causing sluggish performance.
DUST JACKET: An ephemeral object without which a first edition becomes worthless to collectors.
FANTASY: An author’s sales aspirations.
LEAD: A heavy metal that thuds when dropped. Used in the expression “Our lead title this season is luminous and compelling.”
LITERATURE: Designation applied to titles judged unsaleable.
MAINSTREAM FICTION: The pretense that there is a group of readers who can be reached through writing that is sufficiently unspecific as to exclude no one.
PUBLICATION DATE (PUB DATE): A sliding holiday based on the phases of the moon.
TRADE PAPERBACKS: What readers do instead of purchasing new books.
*usually used to describe the description of the book on the back cover or dust jacket