Newsflash! Newsflash! Spongebob is Gay!

Spongebob has been finally been outed – his long-term relationship with a starfish called Patrick (obviously a lapsed Catholic of Irish origins) has finally been revealed…

You mean you didn’t know? You should have asked the Ministry of Internal Security here in Malaysia. They could have told you. After all, they banned a Spongebob book. Apparently they haven’t actually got around to banning him from TV yet – tut, tut. What about the moral safety of our kids, watching dangerous stuff like that? After all, everyone knows that not only is being gay immoral, but it’s also contagious. Especially for four-year-olds.

I would love to tell you I am kidding. But I am not sure I can.

Read the comments section over on the Bibliobibuli blog. The question of Spongebob’s sexuality is the serious concern of some church groups in Malaysia. And we already knew that Spongebob has aroused the ire of the “our moral guardians” (the Ministry’s words, not mine). At least one Spongebob book was refused import at the border.

Oh, and the interesting thing is this : the Ministry suggests that any distributor who wants to appeal the banning of a book at the border can send a copy to the Ministry for reconsideration. See a news report here. Huh? Just how does one send to the Ministry a copy of book that you are not permitted to import in the first place?

I shudder to think that this is the Ministry bestowed with our security. This country is beset with problems like illegal logging, poaching, drug addiction, bag-snatching, cable theft, loan sharks, terrorist cells, global warming, diminishing fish stocks, stealing of metal from public and private property, violence against women, white slavery, child prostitution, illegal immigration, apostasy (there are actually people trying to CHANGE their religion, for crying out loud!) ….and they are devoting their resources to banning Spongebob?

P.S. the Ministry is incorrect anyway. Sponges aren’t gay, they are hermaphodite and terribly promiscuous. In public too. And kids actually swim in the sea, you know! Worse, sponges start being sexual around three years of age. Disgusting, really. They should all be banned from the ocean and confined to our bathtubs.

Down with sponges!


Newsflash! Newsflash! Spongebob is Gay! — 10 Comments

  1. Ah, the MIS are just jumping on the bandwagon there. Poor lil Spongebob has been ruffling the prim feathers of ‘morally concerned’ people this side of the globe for quite a while now. (Puritanism – that haunting fear that someone, somewhere, might be enjoying themselves.)

    Of course they devote their resources to Spongebob – he’s easier to catch, and he doesn’t contribute to the economy and traditional social values like the rest. ;oP

    PS – shouldn’t that be banned from the bathtub and deported back to the ocean? Heh. Must go out and buy a sponge while stocks last.

  2. That’s quite a riot there, Glenda! LOL!

    I feel sad for my kids in the church, their parents are certainly looking at the world through the tiny hole in the needle.

  3. It’s strange that they’d accuse Spongebob of being gay, seeing as, you know, Sea Sponges are asexual reproducers.

    Honestly, how seriously can they take it when Spongebobs best female friend is a chipmunk from Texas who lives in an air-dome?

  4. Aha, that explains it – Spongebob was clearly corrupted by his friendship with a shameless Western female (rodent) with wicked liberal ideas.

  5. Somehow it doesn’t surprise me that the people who worry about what goes on behind the bedroom door in other people’s lives, and object to it, are the same people who object to Spongebob because he has a starfish for a friend. Sounds about appropriate for that level of intelligence.

  6. I must say I’m not surprised about Sponge Bob. I’m fairly certain I’ve seen Noddy and Big Ears in hiding behind the couch at Patrick’s.

  7. Oh great, first there was the Bananas in Pyjamas and then teletubbies and after that, Ernie and Bert (Sesame Street) and now it’s Sponge Bob and Patrick the starfish.

    Like it’s not enough for the authorities to poke at the real people and now they starting to opress cartoons and muppets?

    It’s either someone’s got a overly active imagination or they really need to get a life..bad.

    Now for a more in depth analysis:

    I found this sort of things very shameful on behalf of the male species. I’ve read in the news and articles about the survey statistics that the numbers of male readers are small compared to women and even much so in Malaysia.

    Being my point #2, most of this “authorities” that have been throwing ridiculous legislation around the country be it in film or book mediums (including the national anthem) is – men.

    but just to say a desperate measure of assurance – Ladies, don’t give up hope yet! There’s still smart, straight men out there, we need you!


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