• Eight hour overnight flights are the pits. And they will keep on waking you up for food and other unnecessary stuff.
• Rydges, Exhibition St: what a great location for a con – right in the heart of Melbourne, just five minutes on foot from whatever you could possibly want.
• Downtown Melbourne: What’s with all these women in black (mixed with white or shades of grey)? This is like Manhattan: black is de rigeur for locals. Wear colour, and you are instantly branded as a tourist.

Back a century and more ago, my great-gandmother told my great-grandfather to take their savings and buy some land in Collins St, which was opened for sale. Not sure of the year, but certainly somewhere between 1850 and 1900. He rode off to the big city, and returned without the deeds.
“Why?” she asked, exasperated. She was a canny Irish immigrant who could neither read nor write.
“Too expensive,” he replied, even though he had enough to cover the purchase.
And thus, dammit, went our family’s chance to be millionaires…

Wonder what he would say to the price of property in Collins St now?